Summer I Turned Fisher
by mrsconradfischer
Summary: We all wanted to know the series of events of how Con and Bells got back together and here it is, Belly and Conrad's infinite story. It takes place while Belly's in Spain. Belly and Conrad's POV. Review Review Review!
1. Chapter 1

_Belly_

I like to think that all the series of events leads up to what's meant to happen, no matter what you choose, you will end up with what's meant to be. But now, that thought is wearing thin, and I'm starting to think otherwise.

* * *

><p><em>Conrad<em>

The summer house came to life every time I went there, as well as Belly. I refuse to remember her in that white dress ready to marry my brother, wrinkles just above her brow from worrying, and the tears I heard just as I closed the door. Belly was young and carefree yearning for our attention. The one who was teased for the simplest of reasons and secretly loved it despite always tattling on us. Summer was when she came back to life in my world. That's how I want to remember her.

But here they are. Both the summer house and Belly before my eyes, living, breathing, and beautiful just as my mom always said. She came back. I can't believe she came back for me. She looks at me with her hopeful gray eyes, and she doesn't have to say a word because I know. I know why she's here. As she's about to say the three words, she changes into her younger version of herself. She looks up at me and starts to cry. The more she cries, the more vulnerable she looks. Everything in me tells me to let it go, but I can't. I won't. I still love her and I don't want her this way.

"What's wrong, Bells?" I ask her nervously.

"You're always so far away," she choked out in sobs.

I woke up with tears on my face. She was so real, so beautiful and right in front of my grasp. How could it have possibly be a dream? I get up and go to the bathroom to wash my face, hoping to gain some sanity. What if that dream meant something? She's thousands and thousands of miles away from me, could it mean that she misses me too?

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and take that as a sign. I love her. I miss her. I won't let her go until I'm sure there's no hope in us. But how can I reach out and tell her I'm here and waiting?


	2. Chapter 2

_Belly _

I've been in Spain for about two days, and I couldn't help but think of him. I had left just so that I could escape the old me. The one who tore apart friendships, bonded and strengthened summer after summer. The one who tore apart brothers, effecting all the people I love, even the ones who weren't living.

My mom thought she was being secretive in the backseat of the car with her hand over her mouth on the phone. Her eyes glancing at the mirror towards me every few seconds gave away that she was hiding something, so I played along and pretended to be asleep. Steven was too focused on the road to notice, but not me. Not when I heard his name.

_"Look Connie, it's not a good idea for you to go to the airport to see her go...Yes, I know you do, I'm sure she does too, but for now keep yourself busy and don't think about her leaving...Leaving is her best bet for her to heal. Maybe you need this too...Beck would agree with me and you know it...I'll call you when she leaves, okay? I'll be stopping by the summer house before you go back to California and we can talk then because I think she's waking up soon. We're an exit away from the airport...Okay I'll see you soon. Don't do anything stupid now." _

She should have known I heard. He thinks about me? He wanted to see me? No. I had been months since I had even heard of him, and now his name caused me to go into this trance I needed to snap out of.

That's what I was going to do. I already settled in my dorm with my best friend since forever, Taylor, and now I just need to find an escape from him because I guess thousands of miles over a large sea wasn't a good enough escape from him. I grabbed my map, phone, and bag and went on an adventure for some sugar.

* * *

><p>How is it possible that the local stores don't have Sour Patch Kids? If Spanish people have never had Sour Patch Kids, its safe to say that they're deprived and that their taste buds haven't had pure goodness ever.<p>

Just as I entered my dorm, my phone rang. My mom.

"Hola mama!"

"Please tell me you know more Spanish than just those two words," my mom joked with an expected smile on the other side of the phone.

"Ha ha very funny. One day, I'll know so much Spanish, you wouldn't even know I called you a curse word because I'm so good."

"Smart ass. So how is it there? How's Taylor liking it?"

"Taylor loves it, and actually, she already met a guy on our floor. New country, same Taylor." I continued in the most serious voice I could, "And I'm dying of deprivation, Mom. I don't know how people live out here!"

"What? You've been there all of 48 hours. You can't possibly dislike it when you haven't experienced anything! I did not spend this much money for you to-"

"THEY DON'T HAVE SOUR PATCH KIDS, MOM. How am I going to last?!"

She sighed in relief and chuckled lightly. "Oh my goodness. Here you are saying Taylor stayed the same, when you're the same old Belly. You'll be fine."

My light mood halted and I was silent. She said same old Belly. The Belly I thought I left back in the States.

"I should be going soon. Steven is about to leave to see your dad before he drives to school. Call soon. I love you," she said after waiting for an answer that wouldn't come out.

"Love you. Tell him I said to call me soon. He might want to visit now that Claire Cho is out of the picture. There are girls that are his type here."

She laughed lightly and said she would, then the line ended.

Maybe my mom was right. I am the same Belly.

Well that needs to change. New country, new, independent Belly.

* * *

><p>The second Taylor came through the door, I grabbed her hand and told her we were going to go do something important. Now that I chose to be different in Spain, I guess I should look it too.<p>

We found a salon close by, and cut my hair even though I loved it long more than anything. So did Conrad. Maybe if I cut it, it'll help with getting him off my mind. I pretended the length of my hair held the memories I had with the Fisher's because that's what held me back the most. I needed to move on from them and focus on me. So before I could change my mind, I asked for a bob hair cut.

Bye long hair.

Bye memories.

Goodriddens old me.


	3. Chapter 3

_Conrad_

I overheard their whole conversation. I had asked Laurel to let me hear her, and after insisting I had to and that it wouldn't make things harder, she promised she would. I knew she would. She lied about the whole Steven thing for my sake.

We had this special bond, me and Laur. Maybe it was because I was the oldest between all of us boys and Belly, and I was always smart with my decisions thanks to my Encyclopedia studies and chemistry set. Maybe it was the whole "old soul" thing we both had that bonded us together even when my mom was still here. She was like Belly, but in a more authoritative figure. She understood me more than I understood myself. Damn, the Conklin women had a thing for understanding us Fisher men.

When my mom died, Laurel and my relationship just got stronger. She knew why I did what I did to people, even though it costed her mending her daughters broken heart just because I couldn't get my fucked up emotions straight. She understood, but that didn't mean she liked it. That's because she did the same thing to Mr. Conklin when my mom started getting sick. She knew what it felt like doing something, not knowing how life shattering the consequences were, but the difference was, she fell out of love with Belly's dad in the process of pushing him away; however, I loved Belly with every part of my being. And I still do.

Our closeness was the reason why I went to her about my dream. Telling her how much it kills me not to be with Belly, not like she didn't already know about that. I knew she would help, and that she did.

* * *

><p>Laur started walking towards Belly's room right after I told her everything. Confused, I stared at her wondering whether to follow or to stay put until she came back.<p>

"Come on, loverboy. If you want your girl back, you'll have to help me find something," Laurel yelled from her room, "Belly's closet cuts into the attic."

I followed her steps, went into Bell's room and tried not to look at anything for the sake of my sanity. As I cut through the closet, and opened the second door that opened up the attic's stairs, Laur exclaimed she found it.

Stacks and stacks full of boxes, albums and frames with their Christmas family pictures in it occupied their attic. Turns out, their Christmas photos were as brutal as ours.

She opened a small box that had an inch of dust on its top. It was filled with books that had papers sticking out of the pages.

"Belly's dad gave me these books when we first got married. He had underlined cheesy quotes and sayings that reminded him of me and occasionally wrote in the margins adding or explaining the line or two. Even though him and I aren't together, I still feel that memory of love he and I had for each other."

Her eyes watered as she opened a book, assuming she was reading one of those quotes. I didn't dare open them. I felt like I had already invaded their former relationship between each other, so I just looked at the titles of the books.

"He wrote a note down in this book," she said smiling as she handed me the book.

On one of the pages, I read:

_ 'Know that even though you do things better on your own, I am always here for you._

_These authors write these words lacking something that you fill-the meanings._

_Hopefully, these quotes will help prove that I mean every word. I love you always.' _

"If you dare tell my kids this, you will get a whooping. I am not a sap. Got it?" Laur looked at me with all seriousness, but I knew better. She was teasing a bit.

"Yes'mam," I say satisfying her command.

She began to put the books away in a tedious order and then returned it to where it was in the first place.

As we walked down the stairs, she said, "You said you want her to know you're there for her right? That you're waiting?"

I nodded.

"Then you have to do something to prove it. Belly's father and I are civil, and I can still go to him if I wanted to. I just choose not to because like he said, I'm better at handling things by myself."

We were in Belly's room by then. I saw Junior Mint all alone on her printer, all alone. She left it? Of course she did. I got it for her, and I was the one who ruined things.

I suddenly had an idea. I'd prove it to her, and I'd make it up to her. I'll make sure never to screw things up like I did before.

"You can take that with you if you want," Laurel snapped me out of my thoughts. I guess she saw me staring at that damn forty dollar bear I got her.

I smiled, and turned to towards her, thanked her for all her help.

"Hey, while you're here, can you fix my computer? Steven's no good at it, and he's out sulking about his break up with Claire Cho. Maybe that all that memorization from the encyclopedia books you did that summer could help you out," she said laughing, walking out of the room and towards her study.

Shaking my head, I followed and asked when I stood at the study's doorway, "Come on Laur, will I ever live that down?"

She threw her head back and laughed, "Not a chance."


	4. Chapter 4

_Conrad_

I flew back to California a week after I saw Laur because school started late for me. On the plane, all the things that went wrong replayed in my head.

* * *

><p><em>I was studying for my exams when Nona, the nurse taking care of my mom, called me. <em>

_"Conrad?," the cigarettes made her voice hoarse. _

_"How's mom?"_

_"She's..uh well not feeling as well as she's putting up. I thought I should let you know cause you know...you tend to check up on her a lot. She hasn't been telling you he whole truth."_

_How could this be happening to me again?_

_"What do you mean?"_

_"Well, she hasn't been able to keep food down and she's been getting weaker." _

_I didn't know how to answer so I kept my mouth shut. _

_"Conrad, it's only been like this a few days. Maybe I'm seeing too much into it. She's calling me right now. I'll call you soon and keep you updated by how she's feeling. I'm sorry to worry you." _

_And just like that, she hung up. I sat on my desk staring at my phone wondering if this was all real. I know better not to doubt what Nona says. If my mom's enduring what she did before, I don't know how I'm going to pull myself out of this one. _

_Then my phone rang again. Belly. I wasn't in the mood to talk, but I didn't want her to think anything was wrong. _

_After answering and declining going to her prom, I couldn't help but want to shove whoever that guys face into a wall. No way he was going to take my Belly to prom. I called her back and when it went straight to voicemail, I told her I wanted to go with her. I needed a distraction from what was going on with my mom. _

* * *

><p><em>Nona just had a thing for ruining my mood for major things. I was about to leave to go to the Conklin's house when she called me and told me she was going to get my mom to go to the doctors to get checked again. Way to kill the wow-I'm-going-to-prom-with-the-girl-I-love mood. I got in my car and just sat there hoping this wasn't reality. <em>

_That whole night had been a daze. I forgot to match my tie with her dress, I forgot her corsage, and I almost didn't get to her house the time she wanted me to. I just didn't want to do anything.__I wanted to leave and explain to her what happened and why I was being an asshole, but she wouldn't let me get the words out. I said the wrong things. I made it seem like I didn't love her and that I didn't want to be there for her to make her happy at a huge night. I did. God knows so. I don't know why I didn't go after her. I don't know why I didn't even try to explain further. I don't know why I let her slip through my fingers. I just don't know. But if I did, I would have done everything right. I would have ran up to her and stood out there in the rain and told her everything. But what could have happened didn't matter. It didn't count because nothing good came out of it. What mattered was that I was a coward. Cowardly enough that I walked away._

* * *

><p>I went to my apartment after reminiscing about that night on the plane and wanted to start my plan to get her back. I sat down on my desk and wrote down my very first letter to Belly. I put it in the envelope and wrote down the address Laurel gave me before I left for college. Suddenly, I remembered what I had told her at her almost wedding with my brother. I told her I would move away and give her and my brother space. Even though it never pulled through, I'm almost positive that what I said to her still applies. I mean, she just got to Spain less than two weeks ago. She probably left here to leave all that happened between our families. I would be pushing it if i sent it but i have to send it to her. I guess when I start to go insane from missing her I'll send it. For now I'll put it aside. With Junior Mint.<p>

* * *

><p><em>A few months later <em>

I'm shaking as I'm at the postal office. Not from the anxiety of how she'll feel but of missing her. I guess that's when I'm sure it's time to send it.


	5. Chapter 5

_Belly_

On my way out of my psychology class, I make a mental note to stop by my postal box in the lobby of the building that me and Tay dorm. I make my way through crowds of students that roam outside of campus. It feels like the sun is beaming straight on Madrid today but the slight wind makes it perfect for everyone to go outside. I walk into the building and go to the main desk where Benito, the person in charge of the mail, stands.

"Tengo alguna electrónico?" I ask him.

"Yourr spanish is a getting betterr," he rolls his r's in the cutest way, "espera un momento. I will check."

I stand there waiting for him to come back and when he does, I'm surprised. I usually don't get a whole package. It's probably just my mom finally giving in and sending me some candy I've been craving. He hands me the box and after we talk for a little, I make my way to my empty dorm. Tay probably is with her boyfriend..again. Typical. I set the package down and look who its from.

**Conrad Fisher**

**53867 Main St.**

** San Francisco, California, 94103**

My eyes are probably not working right now. This can't be real. I might be high off the heat here. He can't be sending me anything. He should have fallen off the face of my world when I got here. I can't let the possibility of past feelings to come back to me. Spain is my escape. I HAVE to be seeing things wrong. I look again and there's his name. I run my hand over the familiar handwriting where the pen indents the cardboard box. It's real. This is real. I'm not dreaming.

I throw on my bathing suit, put on my old Cousins shirt and shorts, and go to the campus's indoor pool just a few buildings away. Thankfully, it's empty because everyone is in the outdoor pool.

I dive into the water and stay there hoping what I had just saw would drown if I stayed under long enough. One second turns into one minute and then one minute and thirty seconds. I'm waiting for the hopeful reality to kick in to tell me that he really didn't send me something. One minute fourty-five seconds and still waiting for this to be a delusion. Two minute mark. I resurface and meet my reality.

He really sent me something.

Conrad just gave me a reason to think about him again.

He is back in my mind full clock.

I lay back and float and say to absolutely no one, "Well shit I'm screwed."


	6. Chapter 6

_Belly_

I make my way back to my dorm and I just sit there staring at the box. It has been an hour and I'm not sure why I can't get myself to open it. My mind tells me no while my heart tells me why not. What do I have to lose if I open it?

Oh yeah, all the effort I put into getting past what happened back at Cousins. But I can't be affected by him anymore. I've grown up. Yeah, that's right. I'm grown up. Maybe if I say that a few more times I'll actually believe it. I test to see what I'm capable of and get up to get something to open up the box. I slide my pen down across the tape in a slow speed just for dramatic effect (and because I feel like I could back out...but I know I won't) and I see a bear a white bear. What the-

Oh my gosh. It's Junior Mint. I lift him slowly and see he's been recently washed. I pull him to my chest and I smell Conrad's signature scent-a slight hint of the beach. I reach out my arms so I could see the bear that had been there through all my teenage drama, the one that comforted me when I had a hard time going to sleep, the one that reminded me of the one who got it for me. In awe I stare at its black little eyes when I realize that there's a letter tucked between Junior Mint's body and his scarf. I take the letter and walk over to my desk with the box my bear was in. I disassemble the box, and put it in the trash.

My hand shakes as I'm opening the letter.

_Dear Belly, _

_Firstly, I don't even know _

I only get that far when I hear the key go into the lock of my dorm. Shit. Taylor's back. I run to the drawer where Taylor would never go into and shove it in there forgetting I didn't have time to hide Junior Mint. She walks right in and grumbles her greeting and says she's going to bed for the rest of eternity. She goes into her bed and just lays on her side staring at the stylish little bear.

"Hey I thought you left that thing," Taylor yawns, "how's it here?"

"I asked my mom to send it over here a few weeks back."

Another yawn. "Why? You should have thrown that out already. It's from you-know-who."

I guess we were back to calling him that. Old habits die hard.

"You can say Conrad, Taylor. I'm fine with a simple name. And I needed comfort because your Spanish boyfriend lures you with his accent to go sleep in his dorm."

"You know I love ya Belly." And just like that, she's out like a light.

* * *

><p>I wait until she wakes up and goes to class late afternoon to read the letter.<p>

_Dear Belly,_

_Firstly, I don't know if I should be writing you, if this is allowed. I hope it's allowed. I hope you don't throw this away without even opening the box-because if you do, you'll miss out on something very important. Okay, fine, something you that was once very important. To you. _

_I went over to your house to fix your mom's computer. I went to your room to use the printer and I saw Junior Mint sitting on the bookshelf, looking incredibly pathetic. Remember him? Polar bear, wears glasses and a very stylish scarf? I won him for you at the ring toss? Do you remember how you used to go over to the ring toss and just stare at the polar bears because you wanted one so bad? I probably spent thirty or forty bucks trying to win you that damn bear. _

_Apparently, he misses you irrespective of the fact that you left him behind. He feels lost without you. I'm serious, that's what he told me. Pathetic, right? _

_So here he is. Be nice to him, will you? _

_Conrad_

Sometimes, I feel lost without you too, I instantly think.

I backtrack and process what I just thought.

I definitely meant Junior Mint.

I feel lost without Junior Mint.

Positively NOT Conrad.


	7. Chapter 7

_Conrad _

Sometimes I think I've always been in love with Belly. Even before that summer she came to Cousins all changed and beautiful. I always had this urge just to give her the things she wants. Like a reassurance that I know her because I observe everyone. Especially her. Whenever she got them, it was like her whole face would light up and she would have this joyous mood that rubbed off on everyone, even Steven.

I look back and remember the look she would have whenever she wanted something. Her mouth would drop, forming an O, her eyes would widen, eyebrows lifting up, and then slowly, the corners of her mouth would turn up breaking into a smile. Time and time again I gave her the things she wanted. The teddy bear. The glass unicorn. Her Cousins T-shirts. The necklace if that even counts. I would even put more of the candy that she loved in the bag all of us kids used to get back at the summer house. I did all that instinctively and never to anyone else. Aubrey was too hard to shop for so I always kept it simple. No thought put into it. Regular boyfriend gifts. With Belly, I just knew.

I always wondered if she ever could tell. As I grew older, the more sentimental value the gift I would give her. It was my way of showing her that I was there for her. I sent her that bear to remind her of that.

* * *

><p>It had been a month of anxiously waiting even though I KNEW she wasn't going to answer. She's just that kind of person who's stubborn on the outside but not on the inside. Instead I got a call from Laur saying Belly really appreciated it and said her thanks. Was it so hard to send an answer? Not a, Wow thanks so much Conrad. I've missed Junior Mint. Or a It's great hearing from you. But a call from her mom. I just want to hear from her...first hand. Anything from her would have allowed me to calm down. Hell, I would be happy if she used a dirty napkin from a restaurant and used water droplets to engrave "Thanks" in it. Yea, it irritated me but I guess something was better than nothing. But a call from her mom though? It's like we're playing the game telephone.<p>

Maybe I had pushed it too far with Junior Mint. I should probably take a step back and not do anything triggering memories or igniting bad feels.

I sat down on my bed with my head in my hands thinking about my next package.

And just like that the ideas flowed right in. I went to the store, bought some necessities like more envelopes, stamps and most importantly, the Sour Patch Kids.


	8. Chapter 8

_Belly _

I hear Taylor slamming the door shut as I'm in the shower getting ready to go out to the club. Her arrival means I have to hurry it up because she won't stop knocking until she's in the shower.

"Hey, Belly you in there?" Taylor yells over the pounding water.

"Yeah! I'll be out in a minute!"

"No it's fine you have a package downstairs waiting for you," she cautiously says.

Oh my gosh, she knows. She has to. She's too nosy to not look. Taylor is going convulse of anger. I didn't realize I was silent until she spoke again.

"Sooooo I was downstairs-"

She's going to bust in here and demand to tell her how it happened. I'm sure of it.

"-I was talking to Benito-"

He definitely told her who it's from! Oh no, and he was so cute too. That just made him a whole lot less attractive.

"-and he was really flirtatious-"

WHAT?! And he even flirts with girls who already have boyfriends?!

"-when he said,'I've got a package for Bella' so I'm guessing he doesn't really have an actual package more like he wants to give you his 'package'," she immediately dies of laughter.

Thank God she concluded with that. I broke a sweat thinking about the things I could possibly say to her. I turned off the water and walked out of the bathroom with my towel wrapped around me. I'm relieved that when I looked at her, she seemed completely oblivious of what is actually going on. She comes over to me and gives me a hug.

"You should really give a chance Bells. He's really cute and he has a cute little accent, and he works at a cute little job."

"Any more cute things about Benito, Tay?"

"Umm... Yeah, he's probably going to look pretty cute at the club tonight."

"What do you mean, Taylor Jewel?!"

Taylor puts on her innocent look and says, "Because I invited him to be your date."

With that said, she sprints into the bathroom, laughing her ass off, and locks the door before I did something to her.

* * *

><p>After Taylor's done getting ready, I go into the bathroom and start to apply make up and curl my hair. I was almost done with everything when I hear a door slam. I look outside the bathroom. Who just came in? I look around the room and realize I asked the wrong question. It should have been who left. I walk up to the note in the middle of her desk saying,<p>

_"Told Benito to go to our dorm at 7:45. Wear your push up bra too! He'll love it. I'll see you soon! xoxo Tay" _

I only had ten minutes until he would be here! I run back into the bathroom and speed and just as I finish, I hear a knock on the door.

Oh man this is going to be an interesting night.


	9. Chapter 9

_Belly _

Benito picks me up a few minutes late and I am so thankful for it. My dorm was a complete mess just looking for something to wear. As soon as he knocks on the door, I swing it open and step out so he wouldn't have to suffer the pain of looking at my disaster in my room.

"Bella, you look beautiful!" Benito gives me the traditional once over, admiring my one-sleeved fitted black dress.

I thank him for being so nice and we make our way to his scooter. Yes, he drives a red scooter. Must be a European thing I guess. He lifts one leg to straddle the seat and looks at me to tell me to climb on behind him. I reluctantly climb on and put my arms around his middle. My mind can't help but remember the time I went on a motorcycle with he-who-shall-not-be-named.

* * *

><p><em>"Belly, you better finish your dinner quickly if you expect to leave the house tonight," my mom randomly tells me as we're eating dinner together. <em>

_I stare at her for a few seconds before saying, "What do you mean?" _

_My mom's eyes widen, smiling just a bit, and she leaves the room. Um, okay then?_

_Not two minutes after, my phone lights up with a text from Conrad. _

_**rumor has it theres a scary biker outside your house maybe you should check it out **_

_I practically lose my voice from screaming of excitement. I run over to the window to see if it's real and to my surprise, I see Conrad on a motorcycle just across the street from my house. I watch him as he walks into my house and throw my arms around his neck as he lifts me off the ground and spins me. _

_"I can't believe you're here," I say into his neck. _

_He inhales deeply in my hair and says, "I've missed spending time with you."_

_My heart seems to be beating as fast as his heart is and it just felt so right. For that second, all the doubts of us making it through all our problems slipped away. We were invincible. If we could have this relationship living hours away from each other, if we both accepted this strong connection between us, and if we held onto it, we would be titanium. I believe in it. My heart won't let me feel otherwise. _

_I pull away from him and look up smiling, hoping that he would think it too. He gives me a small peck on the cheek when we hear a cough from behind us. _

_"I expect her home by midnight, Connie. You better sleepover too just so I know you'll be safe," my mom says with a small smile. _

_After agreeing to her conditions, we walk ourselves to the motorcycle outside of my house. _

_"Um, Con. When'd you get that? I'm pretty sure you would have raved about it if you did," I say as we come closer to it. _

_"It's my buddy, Josh's. He knows how much I want one and he knew I was coming down to your place today. He let me borrow it for the night as long as I paid for gas and made sure nothing happened to it." _

_He put on his helmet and grabbed the extra in the back. _

_"I know you're going to hate this, but I have to keep you safe so you're wearing it," Conrad tells me with a playful smirk. _

_He steps closer to me and I not only can hear his breath but feel it on me. After carefully placing the ugly helmet on my head, and clipping it under my chin, he lifts it and plants a slow and hypnotizing kiss on my lips. So gentle, it almost feels as if it wasn't real. But it was. Oh God it was. My whole body was on a natural high from Conrad's lips. He pulls away and says, "God, I've missed you."_

_He gets on the seat of the motorcycle as I stand there shocked. It was the first time he kissed me after we left Cousins Beach. I follow him onto the bike and wrap my hands around his middle. I melt right into him. Leaning my head onto his back, I think I really didn't have to wear the helmet because holding him like this made me feel safer than I have ever been in my life. _

_"Don't let go, Bells," Conrad silently mutters. It almost seemed like there was a double meaning. And if I'm right, then it would definitely not be me letting go. _

* * *

><p>With Conrad, everything seemed to just feel right. When I put my arms around Benito, it was awkward with this tension that made me think about what he thought about us. He might think of us as more than friends. But with these memories of Conrad flowing back to me, I can't even consider him as anything more. It's just not fair for him. I don't know why memories of Conrad are coming back to me so often but that's something I can't take right now.<p>

* * *

><p>We get to the club and I immediately see Taylor sitting with her boyfriend and a few of our friends in a booth. They all looked buzzed already and Benito and I came only 30 minutes after everyone else. Empty shot glasses fill up the table and I'm jealous that I haven't taken any yet. We walk up to the group, say our hello's and scoot into the booth with them. I immediately take the three shots on the table and when those are done, I walk over to the bar and ask for some more. That's when Benito comes up next to me and tries to talk to me. The alcohol seems to hit me faster than it usually does because by this time, I'm already tipsy,<p>

"Why are you drrinking so much, Bella?" Benito asks me.

"I'm trying to have fun! It's been a long week."

The bartender hands me my vodka and I down it like it's nothing. I grab Benito's hand and go to the dance floor having the sudden need to move around. Ever since I've been in Spain and went to clubs with my friends, I've acquired the name "Belly Dancer" only because 1) when I get intoxicated enough, I start to move my hips like one and 2) because whenever I wear jeans and a shirt, I always fold my shirt so I really do look like one. I start dancing with him and out of nowhere, my drunken state of mind thinks it's a good idea to kiss him. I grab the back of his head and give him a kiss and at first he doesn't kiss back. Once he does though, nothing feels right. And right when I pull away, I realize there are tears on my face.

I run out of the club. I'm breathing hard with my hands on knees, bent over against the brick wall. I puke from all the alcohol I drank and walk a little to my right. As I slowly slump onto the ground, Benito emerges from the backdoor I just ran out of. He sits down next to me.

"What is wrrong?" He asks reluctantly.

"I'm so sorry. I am so sorry for everything." I'm word vomiting and saying everything that comes to mind.

"Benito, I like you but I don't feel that way with you."

"What's his name?" Benito asks, "I looked at the box and you have been differrent since then."

He looks at my face now and says, "Do not worry. I understand. I can help you with this..this man. You can trust me."

I take a deep breath and out of nowhere, I spill everything. From how I fell in love with Conrad since when we were little, how everything went down when we finally were together, the ditch we hit when Susanna died, to what happened from Jere and my wedding to now. For at least an hour, we sat there as I tell him my story. And as I end, he looks up and says, "oh Dios mio...I will help you with this Conrad and we can stay amigos."

His eyes burn into my soul when he says, "I can tell you still love him, Bella. Am I right?"

I nod so slightly, I almost believe I didn't even do it.

"In time you will be with him, Bella. I will help. I promise."

I start to cry. I cry for the mess I created when I let myself love him in the first place. But mostly, I cry because I'm grateful for Benito's acceptance. He doesn't say that Conrad and I are toxic, he doesn't say I shouldn't get myself into this mess again. He accepts love for what it is and encourages it. He comforts me and I can sense a new best friend coming along.


End file.
